Women man...

Women man... o I love this video so much. I know this kid. This is great. How to pick up women

Good grief...

Well, I must just be losing my mind. I refuse to acknowledge this being real life. Lil bro got arrested, and I'm still the bad kid. Still the needy one. I'm desperately looking for work, have rent due on the 1st and my parents can't help. Because they're buying him a MOTORCYCLE. >.> I don't even know how to respond. If I was to get a speeding ticket, they'd lose their minds. Why is the standard so low for him? Why am I constantly guilt tripped, and he's constantly supported?

Moving forward

Much progress was had. Many job apps, much homework, a shower, meds, food, auto insurance quotes, apartment paperwork, dealt with a bill in part. Felt very up at 'em, all day, even with the bare minimum of sleep. Still not tired, and couldn't nap. Not sure how I feel about that. Wrote something about an overused phrase, made a to-do list, and worried about my boyfriend today. I stalked an old friend online, busted my hump on MTurk, and Elance, & just tried to shut my brain up. It won't though. Turn in the longggg overdue paper tomorrow, register, pick up an OA application, drop off job apps, call my Granny. Maybe write a poem. Or go for a walk. April is beautiful in Texas. I need to get it together, so I can enjoy a warm spring day. I need to get it together, so I can concentrate on the important things. I want to focus on beauty, and safety. Warmth. Love. Friends. Making myself a home. Lovin' on my nephew. Making something of myself.

Help me?

So, I'm beginning a new phase in my life. The apartment stage. The finally on my own stage. The real bills stage. And I'm petrified. And advice, ideas, input? I would love to make my apartment a home, keep it roughly tidy, keep it chic, and keep it responsibly. This is my first full fledged individual living thing, so, HELP ME!

Trying again

Again and again. Forever beginning, forever a fresh start. When will I finish? Where is my end? I'm scared I'm a perpetual pinch hitter, and test taster, a this and a that. Never finding my place. Finding the niche in which I fit. Never finding where I belong. Perpetual young'n. Perpetual first timer. Forever a burden. Here's to fighting the seemingly endless hopeless battle to gain some control.

Desperation.

I'm desperate. Always. For time, attention, money, love. For more. Always more. No such thing as enough. It's so hard to be happy with these heaps of desperation. Nearly impossible to be creative. If nothing's enough, if I'm not enough, why bother? No one cares, it doesn't matter. Stupidly loud voices inside my head. I dive deeper and deeper into my routes of escape- social media, entertainment, pretending to care, physical affection, being busy with the urgent to think of the important. And where does that get me? I'm a damned rat in a cage, not even sure what free could be. Currently so desperate I'm unable to even focus on my blissful ignorance, my postponement of the real world. How can you ignore the desperation when you're not even sure if you'll have food tomorrow?

Boredom

So I finally have nothing to do and it shows. I haven't been on here in ages and I don't know why. I miss the bloggers I follow. So I have returned. I'm desperate, and tired, and sick. And so, I'm back. I need to learn balance. This going back and forth between overloaded and empty handed is killing me, quite literally. I'm scared. I'm tired. And I'm done with it.

I GOT CAST

Unbeknowst to y'all, and honestly myself prior to the time of auditions, I auditioned for One Act Plays on campus. I fell in love with a particular play, The Children's Hour. Well, suffice it to say, I got the part of one of the female leads, Martha, playing opposite my best friend. I'm freaking out and totally estatic!!!

Do you mind?

I was surfing the net when I found this beauty...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8nv7sOj7yM&feature=relmfu i've watched many of his videos before (cause they're fabulous), but this one really has me thinking. I deffers struggle to answer appropriately when someone asks "Do you mind?" and to be honest kind of think of it as a southern bitch phrase, similar to bless your heart. your thoughts?

Leadership

My style of leadership is based upon my strengths. I hope to use my sense of Empathy to understand where others are coming from and to appreciate their input to the fullest. As someone who strongly believes in the idea of Inclusion, I hope to never purposely exclude someone, make all feel welcome, and help others feel like an active part of the community on the hall so that they know their voice is heard.  As someone who loves people, and scored highly in the attribute of W.O.O., I love to communicate with people with the intent of gaining their trust and approval, and love making new connections.  I hope that through these connections each person finds their journey of personal development furthered and strengthened. As a problem solver, I am always up for a challenge, and love to find avenues of Restorative action- to rebuild understanding and connection.  And last but not least, as someone who truly appreciates that we are all Connected, I believe that we each influence each other every day. I seek to use my influence wisely and also to be wisely influenced. I strive to be a leader not by authority, but by attitude and action. I hope to encourage others to learn and grow, and to learn from those I am chosen to encourage. I challenge myself to lead with an open mind and an open heart, with the courage to make the right decisions, the passion to stand by them and the strength to seek resolution and admit when I make a mistake.

Purpose

I realized I never really gave this site a purpose, a point, a reason. I wasn't sure if it was personal, or something I wanted to monetize. Something for me, or something for others. I'm still not. I want to do it all. Tips, tricks, tutorials. Stories, poetry, photographs, and just plain rants. There is one thing I'm sure of, if I could just keep up with it, this blog might help keep me sane. Here's to maintaining healthy outlets!

NO idea

I really need to gain independence, and perhaps a personality. I spend so much time wrapped up in other people's interests, problems, struggles, passions and lives, that I'm not sure if I have my own. Once again today a dear, dear friend suffered a terrible setback. This man, who has been struggling to gain some sense of security and balance in his life, lost what little semblance he had. And as I sat on the phone with him, stoically offering comfort and reassurance, I realized I was not far from that edge myself. Although my parents still want to provide, with my father's decision to retire, and the facts that they still have my youngest brother at home, more realistically I wind up helping them just as much as they help me. I work two jobs, I'm on multiple academic scholarships, and I have thousands of dollars in debt, graciously granted to me from my lovely Federal government. I have a car that just barely runs, a collection of belongings that are falling apart, and an ever-growing set of medical complications. Yet, me and my usually $50, worry and anguish and penny pinch to help the poor sap next to me. Perhaps I might be the sap...