Moving!

Hey, I'm going to be doing a project over at http://crazyshinyhappy.blogspot.com/ for the forseeable future if you're interested.

Women man...

Women man... o I love this video so much. I know this kid. This is great. How to pick up women

Good grief...

Well, I must just be losing my mind. I refuse to acknowledge this being real life. Lil bro got arrested, and I'm still the bad kid. Still the needy one. I'm desperately looking for work, have rent due on the 1st and my parents can't help. Because they're buying him a MOTORCYCLE. >.> I don't even know how to respond. If I was to get a speeding ticket, they'd lose their minds. Why is the standard so low for him? Why am I constantly guilt tripped, and he's constantly supported?

Moving forward

Much progress was had. Many job apps, much homework, a shower, meds, food, auto insurance quotes, apartment paperwork, dealt with a bill in part. Felt very up at 'em, all day, even with the bare minimum of sleep. Still not tired, and couldn't nap. Not sure how I feel about that. Wrote something about an overused phrase, made a to-do list, and worried about my boyfriend today. I stalked an old friend online, busted my hump on MTurk, and Elance, & just tried to shut my brain up. It won't though. Turn in the longggg overdue paper tomorrow, register, pick up an OA application, drop off job apps, call my Granny. Maybe write a poem. Or go for a walk. April is beautiful in Texas. I need to get it together, so I can enjoy a warm spring day. I need to get it together, so I can concentrate on the important things. I want to focus on beauty, and safety. Warmth. Love. Friends. Making myself a home. Lovin' on my nephew. Making something of myself.

Help me?

So, I'm beginning a new phase in my life. The apartment stage. The finally on my own stage. The real bills stage. And I'm petrified. And advice, ideas, input? I would love to make my apartment a home, keep it roughly tidy, keep it chic, and keep it responsibly. This is my first full fledged individual living thing, so, HELP ME!

Trying again

Again and again. Forever beginning, forever a fresh start. When will I finish? Where is my end? I'm scared I'm a perpetual pinch hitter, and test taster, a this and a that. Never finding my place. Finding the niche in which I fit. Never finding where I belong. Perpetual young'n. Perpetual first timer. Forever a burden. Here's to fighting the seemingly endless hopeless battle to gain some control.

Desperation.

I'm desperate. Always. For time, attention, money, love. For more. Always more. No such thing as enough. It's so hard to be happy with these heaps of desperation. Nearly impossible to be creative. If nothing's enough, if I'm not enough, why bother? No one cares, it doesn't matter. Stupidly loud voices inside my head. I dive deeper and deeper into my routes of escape- social media, entertainment, pretending to care, physical affection, being busy with the urgent to think of the important. And where does that get me? I'm a damned rat in a cage, not even sure what free could be. Currently so desperate I'm unable to even focus on my blissful ignorance, my postponement of the real world. How can you ignore the desperation when you're not even sure if you'll have food tomorrow?